she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
