Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Randomize
