I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
