Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
