So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
