i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
