i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
