JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
