Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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