I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize