apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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