Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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