Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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