If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
