That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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