she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
