i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
