hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
