You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
