Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
