My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
