i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Congratulations! We have a period
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
