I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
