Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Well I just put wine in my tea
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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