woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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