he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
