He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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