we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
