I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
