Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
