I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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