My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
