worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
