So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
