yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize