it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
