I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
