I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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