i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
