getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
