I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just want nice things and good sex
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
