that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize