dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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