we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
