I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
