she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I touched a dick in church today
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize