So drunk, too bad you don't want this
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
