I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
