you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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