Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
