Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
