And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
