I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
