Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
