Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
