Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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