Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize