Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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