just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
