i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
