But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
