Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
