I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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