Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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