1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
