...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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