I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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