omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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