Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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