we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
The best revenge is premature balding
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize