Sponge bath it is.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize