I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
