The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
