you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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