Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
