To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
