My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize