My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
