I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
