sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
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