Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
