I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
