I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
