remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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