Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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