I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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