Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
