the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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