Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
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