he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
