Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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