"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
