the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
