nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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