well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
