Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize