WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
