That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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