We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The feeling are messing with the penis
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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