What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
