I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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