P.S. I can't hear my feet
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
