No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
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