i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Who died my cat blue again?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
