Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
