I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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