I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
