i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
