someone threw a dead crab at me
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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